Finding Their Happiness
by JadedAngelisRising
Summary: Regina and Emma are happily married, and living a wonderful life with their son. However, some things are missing from their life and their family. Along the road to get those things, they encounter heartbreak, and a whole realm of possibilities they never thought possible.
1. Regina Caves

_**{A/N: So, hello loves! This is my newest fanfic, as you can see it is SwanQueen as has been my theme lately. I hope you like it, and a new chapter should be up soon! As for my other stories, I finally have an actual laptop to write on, so they should all be updated soon! Hope you enjoy, reviews are love and much appreciated! Also special thanks to my beta for this story, TrueTor. She's been awesome about handling all my weird writer quirks. Loveya, ~Jaded}**_

Regina Mills was exhausted, but that was nothing new, she had been for over a week now. Emma kept her up most nights, with her heartbroken sobs, and truth be told Regina felt like sobbing most nights too. They still hadn't gotten over the loss of their daughter, she was beginning to believe they never would. Still, while she afforded Emma time off to grieve, considering she had been the one to experience the miscarriage, Regina refused to allow herself such time. She chose instead, to break down at night, when Emma had locked herself away to try and pull herself back together.

The woman only gave herself a few moments, just long enough to let go some of the anger that was slowly building at the world, because even if _she_ if she deserved suffering like this for all she's done someone as caring and kind as Emma Swan certainly did not. 'Swan-Mills' her mind whispered, as she slumped over onto her desk, letting her head fall against the wood with a resolute thud. She knew she needed to go home, but truthfully she didn't want to have to pretend to be okay for Emma or Henry, because she wasn't.

She wanted to lash out, and hurt someone, she wanted to scream and cry until nothing remained of her grief, until she didn't feel like she was drowning anymore. Because they needed her, her family needed her more than anything and she was failing so badly at protecting them. She wanted so desperately to bring them any sort of happiness, because she felt their pain so completely, anything to ease what they were feeling, even a little. And that, is why Regina Mills ended up at the Storybrooke animal shelter at five-thirty at night, looking over the selection of puppies.

Though most of the time she loathed anything that could potentially ruin her home, and disrupt her life so much like the tiny fur ball would she knew that Henry had been asking for a puppy for as long as he could talk, and that even Emma had insisted on getting a puppy lately. As she glanced into each cage, Regina couldn't help but feel sorry for the pups, while she knew they were well taken care of, much like she and Emma none of them had been wanted either. So, as she came upon the last cage, containing a small black puppy, with eyes oddly like Emma's such a beautiful shade of green she couldn't help but soften her expression.

Turning to the employee who had been hovering just behind her the whole time, she offered an overly exasperated sigh and pointed to it. "This one will do just fine," the teenage boy looked at her so confused as if she had just asked him what the square root of twelve was. "That one? No one ever picks that one, they say it's an outcast." Regina's anger flared, and she had to work hard to control it, to keep herself from unleashing every ounce of anger she was feeling on this boy. "I don't care what other people say, I want this one. Now do your job." The boy quickly moved away from her to pull all the necessary forms and bring them back to her, while she took the puppy from the cage herself.

Signing everything with one hand, using the boy's back as a table of sorts she got everything sorted out quickly. She also bought the puppy a purple leash and matching collar, then everything else it would need. As she was preparing to leave, the boy called out to her, "OH… Madam Mayor, it needs a name before leaving." Regina brought herself up, just short of the doors, another long sigh escaping her, as she turned to look at the boy shrugging a bit and merely uttering one word, "Hope." Then she turned on her heel and left, before the insufferable teenager could see the tears beginning to gather in her eyes.

The drive home seemed simultaneously like the longest, and shortest drive of her life, far too much like the drive home from the hospital with Emma after they lost their daughter. Unlike that drive though, Regina was filled with something other than despair and that hollow pit of grief forming low in her stomach. She felt, like for the first time in a week, she could breathe again as she pulled into the driveway and brought the things to the front door Regina wondered for a moment, what it was about her and "collecting" societies so called outcasts. Regina walked into the house quietly, unwilling to disturb the eerie quiet that had settled over the house.

It hadn't been this quiet since the night they made the frantic drive to the hospital, it unnerved her now the way the house had fallen into an uncomfortable silence. "Emma?" Regina was quiet too, aware that Emma could be in the middle of any of her recent activities, she just hoped she wouldn't find her curled up in their closet with the pink blanket they had gotten the baby. That was when Regina knew it was really bad, because that meant Emma was close to another breakdown. Carefully, Regina set Hope down, and the clicking of the puppy's nails filled her with a slight sense of relief. Quickly, she made her way into the study, not at all surprised to hear the sniffling that meant Emma was in there.

She silently slid the door open, walking over to her wife quietly, and wrapping her in a tight hug as the puppy found her way into the room. Emma started quickly at the sight of the puppy, pulling away from Regina to get a better look at her, a slight angry cloud claiming her face, but she held it well just trying to cheer up because she knew it made Regina sad to see her so upset. "Why now? Why, after everything that's happened, why… What's her name?" Regina frowned softly at the questions, sighing softly, "Because, we need happiness again… Hope can bring that." Emma visibly stiffened and frowned deeply at the puppy then, "Seriously Regina?" The woman nodded slowly, as tears filled both their eyes, Hope… Their precious daughter whom they had lost at thirty weeks into the pregnancy.

"A puppy… to fill the void of a baby?" No, Regina's mind wanted to reject that idea, shut it down as quickly as possible because that's not what she wanted at all. "No, Emma, no one and nothing can ever fill the void that Hope created, she will always be a part of the family. However, maybe... The puppy can help us heal, and try to move passed this." Emma knew she would need time, but, she thought that maybe, just maybe this puppy could help their family see that this didn't have to be a permanent scar or trauma for them. "We'll have to tell Henry, you know. He'll be, really excited." Of course Regina knew that, this was the whole point of the puppy, to try and help them come to terms with this.

However, as always, Regina always had other ideas, and this when done at the right time could be a great thing for the family. Regina knew though, this wasn't the time for that, and so she tucked the new set of adoption papers further into her purse, there would be a time to discuss this, they had their whole lives ahead of them and all the time in the world to add to their family. For now, the puppy would be enough. And that night, the silence reined over the house once more, and Regina silently thanked Hope, -their baby, and their new puppy- for giving them reasons to love, and grieve, and learn to move passed it and love again.

_**{A/N:**** That's the end of chapter one kiddies! I hope you liked it, also, I'm taking prompts now! So, if there's something you want written and wish to see how I would write it, feel free to contact me on Twitter at RegalsPrincess, you can also PM me here. Reviews are love! Love ya, ~Jaded}**_


	2. Chapter 2: Baby Memories

**_{A/N: And here's chapter two! I'm glad to see so many story favorites and follows, it definitely motivates me to keep writing so thanks guys! I'm loving this story, it's a favorite of mine, and it definitely keeps me occupied, trying to remember to write in the way that Regina would act. It's certainly a fun challenge! Remember, review are love, Love ya, ~Jaded}_**

Regina could hear the whimpering come from outside their bedroom door, Hope was once again wanting to be let out, even though Regina had just let her out two hours ago. If she had known having a puppy, would be so much like having an actual baby she would have held off on the idea a few more weeks.

The puppy was literally an exhausting creature, Emma helped as much as she could, but Regina knew the experience was wearing on both of them, the way the puppy seemed to behave just like a newborn often got Emma emotional again. Some nights, Regina could swear that she heard Emma out there in the hall talking to the puppy as if she were a person.

She would tell the puppy everything she was thinking, and sometimes she would just sit there with the puppy, crying. Regina couldn't blame her, she often found herself speaking to the puppy as if they were holding a real conversation, as well. It helped them, more than she would care to admit and so even when they puppy did whine and she contemplated fireballing the hell out of the annoying thing, she didn't.

Because truthfully, she loved the puppy, just as if it were their real baby and she would be damned if any harm came to the little one. And that included harm in the form of Snow White's overbearing love, the minute she had met the puppy, the ever frustrating woman had nearly snuggled her to death.

The puppy whined and cried incessantly, forcing Regina to come to her rescue. She quickly scooped the puppy up out of the woman's arms, gently snuggling the puppy close as she murmured words of reassurance to her. "It's okay, Hope, that's just your crazy grandmother." Her eyes immediately widened to the size of saucers, and she felt a slight blush creep its way up her neck.

She had **_never_** openly told anyone, even Emma that she thought of the puppy as a baby. So instead of even trying to explain herself, she just disappeared into the study, locking the door behind her as the sudden rush of embarrassment and slight fear subsided. The lock clicked out of place only a few moments later, the sounds of the small party they were having filtering into the room, as Emma came in.

They disappeared again only a moment later as the lock clicked back into place smoothly, the puppy was gently taken from her and placed on the floor. Thin arms wrapped around her waist, and the scent of the vanilla and Raspberry perfume Emma used invaded her personal space, calming her instantly. "I'm sorry Emma, I didn't mean to-" Emma just squeezed her tighter, signaling that she should just stop talking, the woman merely burrowed her face into Regina's neck breathing in her scent.

They stayed like this for a long time, Emma latched onto Regina as if she was the only thing keeping her here, and Regina just kept still, holding Emma gently, as if the woman might break. This was how they handled each other now, ever so carefully, and they were even more careful with Henry and Hope, as if they would just disappear if they weren't anything more than terribly gentle.

"I think it too, love… I just didn't know that you did." Those simple words calmed Regina better than anything could have in that moment, they _both_ thought of Hope as a baby not just a family pet. She was truly an invaluable part of their family now, just as their daughter would have been, just as she still was despite being their angel now. When Emma pulled away, a hand gently settled on her still slightly protruding abdomen, it was simultaneously a sad and happy sight to see for the brunette woman.

When Emma did little things like that, habits that she had picked up during her pregnancy, it would almost stun Regina as if she had completely forgotten that their daughter was lost to them now. It would make it seem as if Emma was still pregnant sometimes, and every once in a while, that struck Regina in a good way. With the way her belly still stuck out, it was easy to imagine that they were still back in month five or early month six of the pregnancy.

It was easy to imagine that things weren't the way they are because they had_ lost _their daughter, but because they were still anxiously awaiting her arrival. And sometimes, Regina would let herself live in that delusion and she had a feeling Emma did too, with the way Regina would sometimes catch her still talking to her belly like they both used to. Regina's slightly smaller hand settled atop Emma's and for a moment they both just smiled, losing themselves to a different reality.

A reality that only a few weeks ago had been so real, and so tantalizingly close that it was definitely painful to think about now. The door to the study opening made them jump apart quickly, but Emma kept a protective hand over her belly, eyes wide as she glanced up at her mother. "Oh!" Regina merely glowered at Snow for a long moment for interrupting their peaceful moment, the woman was forever irritating. "I didn't mean to… interrupt, I just wanted to check on the two of you. You've been in here a while now."

Glancing fleetingly at the clock, Regina realized the raven haired woman was right, they had been locked in here together for at least twenty minutes. They needed to get back out to their party, but Regina needed just a moment more alone with Emma. "Yes, Snow, that's what happens when people are working through personal issues." The smaller woman blushed, and had enough sense to look at least a bit ashamed at barging in on them. "Right, sorry." The woman then quickly tried to back out of the study, dutifully not commenting on the way Emma still stood there.

With the door now firmly shut and locked behind Snow, Emma slowly let her hand fall back to her side, sighing heavily as she glanced at Regina. "You know she's trying to hide it, right?" Regina's brow rose impressively almost completely into her hairline as she looked back at Emma, "Hiding what, dear?" Regina hadn't seen any evidence of the smaller woman hiding anything but, the way Emma's eyes were quickly watering and the way she hugged herself as if trying to force herself to stay together made whatever Emma was about to tell her worthy of trying to kill Snow all over again.

"She's pregnant." It was a short and simple statement, with not a hint of question in Emma's voice as she spoke even though it shook, and it filled Regina with such a rage that she saw red and her eyes began to swirl purple. Why should Snow White of all people get the thing she wanted most? Why should Snow get to be happy, when she and Emma were clearly suffering, and how dare the woman try to hide it! If it were Regina she would be shouting it from the rooftops! "You're sure?" Regina's voice was completely tight and controlled as she tried to calm down.

Emma merely nodded, unable to actually speak as she had dissolved into silent tears, they flowed uninhibited as she watched her wife physically fight to keep herself standing in the study with her. She knew she wanted to go out there and yell at Snow, just as much as Emma herself did, but that would get them nowhere and they both knew it. "Emma, it's going to be okay," Regina tried to make herself believe that as much as she was trying to make Emma believe it. While they were both extremely upset by the news that had yet to actually be announced, they wouldn't let it break them.

They would try their hardest to be happy for Snow and David, even as she thought this though, she could see Emma physically reverting back to that first week, those first days without their daughter. Instantly, Regina was there, arms wrapped around her wife, because she _knew_ what came next. A silencing spell placed on the room quickly, ensured that no one outside of those four walls would hear the heartbreak that came next, Regina was almost certain she could _actually_ hear Emma's heart breaking as she gently eased the blonde down onto the couch.

She didn't say anything at first, she just quietly cradled her wife close and let her cry, because truthfully that was what she needed, what they both needed. She knew, that news like this wouldn't always hit them this hard, but she allowed them both their grief now, that way they could truly be happy for their family later. The scratching at the door a moment later, made Regina jump lightly, any sound outside of Emma's crying had been drowned out, however she let the puppy in using magic. Making sure that as little sound as possible escaped the room.

The last thing they needed, was Snow hearing this and deciding to be a "parent" now of all times. The door magically closed and locked behind the puppy, as she quickly ran across the room to the couch, jumping up and trying to wedge herself onto Emma's lap. Regina leaned forward to help the puppy, being mindful of Emma's belly, as she always had been. The second the puppy made contact with Emma she was whining to get the woman's attention, but Emma wouldn't look at the puppy, she just leaned forward to scoop the puppy up.

Keeping Hope close helped when Emma got like this, and they all knew it, and the puppy didn't protest one bit. Regina had hoped tonight would be the night to tell Emma of her adoption idea, but after this, she would be lucky to get Emma to speak much less get her opinion on adopting a baby. She wasn't upset with Emma though, because Emma was breaking down the way Regina wished she could, so broken, and ugly was the sobbing that escaped her wife, the way the blonde's body shook, and she could hear her gasping to catch her breath.

"Emma… it's okay, I promise. We'll get through this, somehow." The puppy whining in agreement with Regina, as she tried to calm Emma down, once she was sufficiently calm, Regina left the room only long enough to excuse their guests and end the party. Stepping back out into the living room, she frowned as everyone in the room turned to stare at her, "You'll all have to forgive us, Emma isn't feeling well-"At this, Regina saw Henry slip off to the study, and a guilty expression cross Snow's face. 'Good' Regina thought, let the woman fester in her guilt.

"She wants you all to know that she enjoyed your company, and that she's grateful for all the fun tonight, it was truly a need distraction." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Henry run from the study to the kitchen, and thought that she would be making a late night trip to the store for more chocolate frosting and Emma's favorite ice cream. That's how it was with her wife, she drowned her sorrow in sweets and expressed it by crying quite a bit, but it was better than how she herself handled it. So she couldn't complain.

As everyone finally began to leave, Regina sighed heavily as she spotted Snow, all the signs of early pregnancy now clear as day in the woman, now that she was aware and looking for them. That made her hate the woman, and their situation all the more, but she kept quiet on that and wished everyone a goodnight as they left. Finally, she was able to get back to her wife and son, she found them just as she had left them, except that Henry was sitting on the floor beside Emma. And the woman kept mumbling into the puppy's fur, between her sobs, it truly was heartbreaking to see Emma like this.

Still, after a few minutes, Henry coaxed Emma out of her shell he got her to eat some of the ice cream, and calm down some. Regina could never thank Henry enough for how patient and gentle he was being with both of them, she knew he understood the gravity of the situation, he was even pretty torn up about it himself. He was so looking forward to being a big brother that they had even allowed him a few days off of school to work through this new reality of theirs.

Sensing that Emma wanted to talk again, Regina politely excused Henry from the room giving him the task of going to the store and tracking down more frosting and ice cream, he took the task easily knowing that at least he was helping in some small way. When he was a safe distance away, Regina sat down next to Emma, pulling her close again. "It hurts, so bad Gina." Regina nodded quietly, she completely understood the pain Emma talked about, and she carried it with her everyday just as the blonde did. "I know, but in time, it will get better. We just have to work through it, and remember how lucky we are to have each other, and Henry."

Lucky wasn't really the word Regina would use, none of this was luck, it was a destiny of their own written design. Their fate, that they had decided on together, the only luck in the situation, was the bad luck that had seemed to loom over Emma's entire pregnancy. They had known from the start that there was a good chance Hope wouldn't make it, but to lose her so far into it, they had almost been safely to the end! Regina had been so sure that things would be okay, that the actual loss had been such a shock, she hadn't known what to do with herself.

"How can it get better, when she's gone?" Regina oftener asked herself this question, she still didn't have an answer so she merely shrugged. "I don't know, but I do know that it will eventually. She was just too perfect for this world, it would have ruined her." The brunette woman knew this for a fact, their daughter had been completely perfect in every way, and she had the photographic proof of it. When she had been, "born" they had allowed she and Emma to have a few minutes with her. They each got to hold her, they had pictures of both of them holding her.

They had a picture of Henry very delicately holding his baby sister against his chest, but the picture Regina cherished more than anything, was the one taken just before Whale had insisted on taking her away. Emma, and Regina sharing the hospital bed, with Henry sitting at the foot of it, and little Hope seemingly sleeping as she and Emma held her. It was the best, and worst moment of Regina's life, and she knew Emma would agree. She pulled that photo up on her phone now, passing it to Emma wordlessly, Emma didn't know that this picture had been taken, she was too focused on the baby between them.

Upon seeing it now, Emma gasped softly, pressing the phone closer to her, as if she could literally absorb the image. The awe on her face, was enough to convince Regina she had done the right thing in requesting the photo be taken, it was beautiful and simple. It was their family. On her worst days, when she thinks she just can't take it anymore, she pulls up this photo and just stares at how perfect it seemed. The moment right after the photo though, was what truly made this so perfect, Whale had insisted that she needed to be taken away, and they had, had the photo taken.

Then, as if it was perfectly planned the small family turned in on the baby, leaning in to kiss her goodbye, their tears mingling together on her small, cold cheek. When Regina pulled away, she could see the grief on Emma's face, the pain at having to give their daughter to someone who would take her away and they would never see her again. Gently though, ever so gently she got up off the bed, bringing the baby with her and crossing the room to where Whale stood looking appropriately sorry and upset himself.

She gently squeezed the baby to her one last time, before placing her into Whale's waiting arms, who then nodded softly, and swiftly took Hope away. He came back a few minutes later to check Emma's health, and offer them information on grief counseling, he then asked if they had a specific outfit they wished her to be buried in. Regina's eyes snapped to the purple and black diaper bag across the room. She nodded toward it, and Whale took it as permission to open the bag.

When he did, his own eyes misted over with the grief this family would feel for weeks and months to come. Carefully, he pulled out a newborn sized amethyst dress that had matching black and purple tights and a purple crown headband. It was meant to be the baby's coming home outfit… He wanted nothing more than to be able to give them back their child, but even he couldn't fix this. He nodded swiftly, and left the room quickly to avoid crying in front of the already hurting family, taking the outfit with him.

When he came back ten minutes later, eyes rimmed red, he brought a simple but meaningful gift. He handed it to Regina in silence, when she glanced at it, her heart soared and plummeted all at once, there she was, their beautiful Hope. All dressed up in her pretty purple princess dress, she looked so perfect, so sleepy. Like she would wake up from a nap at any moment, the photo was truly amazing, and she didn't know what to say. She glanced up to the wall above the couch in their study now, that same photo lighting up the room with its beauty.

Somehow, that photo made her believe that everything would be okay. Even if it wasn't at the moment, it would be someday and that was all that mattered to the brunette, as she watched her wife, who had fallen asleep with Regina's phone clutched to her chest, as if she was holding their daughter close. The puppy slept dutifully at her feet, and Regina couldn't help but smile, even if such a terrible thing had happened to them, some good memories, -painful, but still good- and some good things came out of it.

"Sweet dreams my Princess, tomorrow will be better."

**_{A/N: And this has been chapter two! I am SO sorry for all the feels but this chapter needed to be written to show certain things, I know it hurts, but it will get better. As for the Snow situation, well, we'll just see how that unfolds huh? Remember, reviews are love and keep me motivated! Love ya, ~Jaded}_**


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